About Me
Julian Gowdy
I was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I didn't grow up with filmmaking ambitions as I spent all my time on the basketball court. I didn't go to film school, I had never even used a camera. Until I began my life in recovery...
I didn't listen when I was told that I should write but I finally sat down and wrote. I found it exhilarating and freeing. Then, I was gifted a camera so I started a company with a friend and began filming.
I didn't know that cameras didn't record sound so I wrote and directed a short black and white silent film, "An Artist's Story", that was runner up for the audience choice award at the Madrid Film Festival.
I didn't understand how lighting worked so I wrote and directed "Icarus Shrugged..." that was filmed, in the desert, in the middle of the night.
I didn't comprehend that you needed money to make a feature film, so I wrote, directed, starred and edited, "The Devil's Tongue", which is completed and will be released in the next year.
I didn't care that most of the cast and crew for his films had never acted or had no film experience. That doesn't matter. What matters is being willing to try and to fail. And then try again.
I now know that the filmmaking craft, can provide so much. Joy. Inspiration. Fulfillment. Frustration. Freedom. I know this because it has brought me all these things and I feel that this is something that should be available and safe for all.
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Director's Statements
A Time Machine Story
One of my biggest revelations, in my journey through recovery, was that for much of my life, I had not only lived with regrets but had lived in regret. As I attempted to live life without regrets, of which I had plenty, I found that regret was often my only motivation.For a long stretch of my life, regret was my constant companion. Sometimes I moved hand in hand with regret, and sometimes regret grabbed me by the nose and dragged me along with it. It never took me anywhere good... Until “A Time Machine Story.”
It’s hard for me to talk about “A Time Machine Story” as a film, because to me that’s not what it is. It’s more of a poem. A meditation. A reflection on regret. A story about a man who spends his life building a Time Machine and ultimately realizes he never bothered to actually live life. The same way we don’t bother living in the moment when we are stuck in the past. The same way that I lived in addiction, with regret as a roommate.
In “A Time Machine Story,” regret follows that man, Chris, around his house and lives and works with him in his garage. If he could just find a way to fix the past, everything would be better. This isn’t a new idea. It’s the idea at the center of all stories about time travel. I never found it interesting until I realized that these stories were really just explorations of regret. That’s when I decided to write “A Time Machine Story.” But I remember that the idea for ATMS came from somewhere else.
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I remember meeting Chris at a local film meet and greet and thinking that I knew him from somewhere. In fact, we’d never met; but he was kind enough to agree to get a cup of coffee with me.
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I remember getting the idea for a short film that I wanted to write for Chris before we got that cup of coffee. That idea turned into ATMS.
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I remember Chris calling me from India after reading the script and saying he’d be honored to help make the film. The honor was all mine.
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I remember being with Bob, our Producer, when we realized “Oh My God, we are actually making this thing.”
I remember talking to Taylor, our AD, on the phone every day before and after filming, wondering how we were ever going to get the film done. Always with one of us on the verge of tears. Usually me.
I remember Sydney joining the production halfway through and getting into a car accident on their first day. I thought we’d never see them again, but they came back and quickly became everyone’s favorite person on set.
I remember Travis being an absolute godsend at the wrap party, which was actually my thinly veiled attempt or excuse to film the wedding scenes.
I remember Roman, our composer, sending me one of the first pieces of music. It became the score for the last scene.
I remember watching ATMS with David about one hundred times during the editing process while he taught me how to play chess. We played about a thousand games. I beat him once.
I remember location scouting with Bright. Libby braving the cold with purple hands. Shannon being a powerhouse. Phil just being Phil. Mike’s enthusiasm. Sarah’s electricity.
These are only a few of the things about making “A Time Machine Story” that I will never forget and none of these memories will be tinged with regret.
The Devil's Tongue
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I knew the tagline for "The Devil’s Tongue" before I had even written a word:
Art. Over. Everything.
I liked this for two reasons: I thought it would look good on a poster, and I had heard a version of that phrase over and over while I was in rehab. Person after person would say that they had put their drugs or alcohol over everything else in their life. That’s what addiction is: putting something, anything over everything else. At first that seemed ridiculous, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true, especially for me.
I am an addict. I say that without shame but with lots of fear. I now have more than four years clean and sober, and I realize I can take something, anything to some very terrible places.
That’s the idea I wanted to explore with "The Devil’s Tongue." What would happen if I put something like Art over everything else in my life? What would that look like?
It certainly wouldn’t be pretty.
As a first-time feature filmmaker, I knew there was no way I would get any funding for this film, so I wrote "The Devil’s Tongue" to be filmed as inexpensively as possible. I began writing and taking out credit cards. The day after I finished the script, we were awarded a COVID-related grant for $10,000. That was our budget. It would have to be enough.
And it was. Just barely.
It’s terrifying to attempt to make a film, especially with such limited resources; but this reminds me of something else I heard in rehab: “The opposite of addiction isn’t recovery; it’s community.” It was the wonderful community surrounding me that made "The Devil’s Tongue" not just possible but incredible. A film to be proud of. Fewer than twenty people were involved in making it, and they were all incredible. The way the cast and crew bought into the film was absolutely amazing. There were some difficulties just like with anything in life. One day the Director of Photography, James Dawson, had to run sound along with the cameras. But anytime something came up, we figured it out.
About halfway through filming, I realized the film we were making was turning into something special. That scared me. The support I received from the cast and crew had been so wonderful. I didn’t want to let them down, because they certainly never let me down. In the end, I’ve never felt prouder. Never felt so fulfilled, so grateful, as I did while making "The Devil’s Tongue."
The experience provided me with everything I had hoped to find when I was drinking and using, and it was only possible because of the people, the community, that held me up during the process. It took us just over a year from the day I started the script to having a finished product. Every one of those days was an absolute blessing--and a reminder not to put anything over everything.
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